With the rest of the world tucked safely in their beds... not a care in the world, I disappeared into the darkness of the nite to reclaim a moment lost forever.

[He] called... and asked me what I was up to. This was a few minutes past midnite. I was getting ready for bed. And he suggested I come over. His voice resonated need.

So there I was, driving calm and slow the few blocks to his house.

The moments matched... but somehow this moment was greater than the last. He held me close. He said that no one made him feel happy anymore. Everyone just made him feel so damned stressed. Everyone was driving him fucking insane. And then he looked into my eyes and said that I was different.

My mind flashed to earlier tonite, standing in front of Starbucks. When I ran into him, moments after leaving him a guilty message. He hardly looked at me, surrounded by his friends. He didn't even make eye contact.

Now... I'm not expecting him to declare that I'm his fucking Savior or anything. But it would have been nice to be acknowledged with more than a passing "Hey."

Is that all I am to you?

But there I was... in his arms... in his room... in the dark.

i will not be here forever
so i will not waste any time...
spoken like a poet
who's just to drunk to know that
everybody falls in small degrees
everybody falls in small degress
that's gravity
-josh joplin

Darkness surrounds him, I think. And I'm afraid that it isn't so much that he wants me to help pull him out of the darkness as much as he wants to pull me in.

But none of that mattered then... or on the drive home... or even now. I reclaimed that glorious fucking moment when I was useful again. When someone wanted me-- needed me.

And as tasty as this moment is... I realize that re-living that moment over and over will only assist his secret in devouring my soul. Despite how loved and useful I feel... I realize that this is just one of those things in life that can't last forever. It's too perfect... to be needed.

I could die of happiness.

Now wouldn't that be a fucking tragedy?