I know I haven't been around so much. I know we aren't sharing like we used to. I know you feel empty and alone and like some used tramp, laying spread across the mattress, moist between the legs and sobbing because you fear that I was only after one thing and now that I've gotten it, I won't be back.

I have to be honest. You're no longer my one and only. I'm sorry. I know this must come as a total shock... but deep down you know it's been coming for a while. I haven't been around so much, and I know you suspected that I wasn't sitting at Starbucks alone all those afternoons.

And I haven't been.

God. I'm so fucking sorry. I feel like such a dirty fucking whore. I'm everything I hate... breaking your heart. But I never meant to.

Please know that. But you just weren't comforting me anymore. I don't know if I can trust you the same anymore.

And I was in Barnes and Nobel. Downstairs by the registers and almanacs. It just happened. I fell head over heels... the way I did with you.

I fell in love. And you can't pass up love. You know that more than anyone. And so I committed the ultimate betrayal...

I bought a new hardcopy journal.

I'm such a dirty fucking bitch. But if you had seen it there on the shelf, you'd have fallen in love too. Bound black leather... crisp brown pages. Fuck. I was overcome. And it was only $15.

So for the past few days, I've been spilling my life story into it... the way I can't with you.

And I'm sorry but I won't give it up. I need that just as much as I need you. But I'll try my hardest to make time for you both.

I won't cheat you of details. I won't hide things. I can love you both the same. I swear. Let's just see how it works for a while. Alright?

Let's think happy thoughts, love... listen to my day...

I called into work precisely 6 minutes before I was supposed to be there. I was a 10 minute drive doing my normal speed. The new ACD guy answered and didn't want to hear my excuse. He asked me to tell him what the problem was with traffic. I said it was all these dump trucks moving super slow. He sighed. What could he say? Would he threaten to drive to the dump and check it out?

I forgot all my stuff at work yesterday and even left my computer logged in. All Hell almost broke loose... but yet again Kristen escaped punishment for just another day.

I left an hour and a half after getting to work. We were that dead.

Pismo sounded fun so I went over to Nikki's and chatted with her and one of her room mates for a bit about things in general. And then we hit up Family Thrift. I got some nice pants, jacket, sweater and a couple of old dresses. Trying to sell them on E-Bay... but too lazy to put lots of effort into it.

Dropped Nikki off at work. Killed lots of time. Met her at Starbucks. Helped Preston make a life decision.

And now... now is bedtime.

So you're all caught up on my day... on the same page (so to speak) as the other love in my life.

I told you we could make this work... I just have to put forth effort.